My obsession with Raven Symone dates back to me being about twenty one years old. I was upstairs in my sister's room in our parents mansion and she was laying in her bed watching " That's so Raven" a sitcom starring the young woman that had been famous since a child. We were silent. My sister who I always joked had "raised" me was quiet. She wasn't telling me to get out of her room which was rare. She was focusing on the show and I was scared to say anything. I knew at that moment I wanted to marry Raven Symone. I wanted her more then life itself. That's how much I respected my sister at that moment.
Time passed and although feelings for my sister changed I never lost my feelings for Raven. I told my cousin about her one day. She said she could set something up between us. I denied. I wanted her on my own terms. By my own work. Due to contractual agreements my cousin thought that would be impossible without her own influence. I told her it could happen....I watched Raven. She loved music. I saw her quote a Jay-Z bar one time:
" You're a candle in a sun, that shit don't even out."
She also was a fan of Kanye West as well. I had seen her in live webcam videos telling her young fans to act mature and realize she was nothing like her persona on the show and wasn't a child. I became sympathetic with her. I wondered if she ever would know what it was like to go hungry, or be under privileged. I who had been to prison and had been poor while in prison because my wealthy family was ashamed of me. I would have to get on a cell phone and promise to go to war with them just to get money. I spent it on tattoos and notebooks...I invested. I had been homeless when going against my family to live my artistic dreams. Even my beloved cousin thought I was heading toward death. She begged me to get my life together. But Raven had never lived a life where she had to lose. I chose to lose just to see how it felt. I figured if we were quoting Jay-Z:
" For I will not lose because even in defeat// there's a valuable lesson learned so that even's it up for me//"
I thought if Raven was truly to fall in love it would have to be with a normal person. I couldn't live the playboy lifestyle and expect her to notice me. She has had money since birth. She would need a bad boy. She quoted Jay. She listened to Twista. She wanted a dude that had been both rich and poor. That was all my rebellious state was about. I learned to enjoy the streets. I was green at first....but I learned the game. I sold crack. I gang banged. All for romance. You could say Raven has always been a bad influenced. She would subtly ruin her most hardcore fans. I mean I didn't know Jay-Z personally nor Kanye West. All I knew was I watched "Streets was watching" and "State Property 2" and saw both of these men committing criminal acts. It wasn't until college when I became a Mason and a Kappa where I realized it was all a lie.
I think it was 2009. I had a buzz in the underground. I was on blogs and there was discussion of me being the new Eminem. My family was threatening to murder me. I made songs about having sex with my mother and drug usage so people thought I was the next Marshall. This music was recorded in an insane not medicated state. I am not blaming my schizophrenia for my constant battle with my kin. I wasn't so much sick of the wealth...I was sick of the hiding.
It wasn't like I was broke. I had a Benz and a tricked out Honda Civic for racing at local car shows. But I wanted the respect. My cousin told me Raven was going to be at a night club. I was pissed at first but this was not a hook up. This was just a notification about a party no one knew about. She did this all the time for me. It was up to me to bag her. I was dating a girl at this time...but I had to see Raven. I went to the club and the rest is history.
A decade later we are at each other's throats. She refuses to acknowledge me publically. Her and my cousin are enemies. If I could go back I don't know what I would do. I mean I do love Raven. She just broke my heart. She is my girl....but only because of Shakur. That is all. But what's my life to her nowadays?
The urban dictionary defines sarafina as:
A Sarafina is a girl who is extremely hot. They will only date guys that they say are sexy and nice, that meet up to their standards. They are great in bed, and have a nice, tight vagina. They are beautiful inside and out. They are very nice. They have a nice ass.
Raven came out with a song called "Sarafina" secretly this was my nickname for her. But it was also the name of a musical. So she tried to use a code. She made a song that was featured in the musical but on the B-Side was a song called Cruise Control in which she sang of sex and racing cars....which was all we used to fucking do. We did an album together in 2009. I made a new album about her when I came from a violent Asylum where several attempts were made on my life. This was a stint where I met Ice the Menace. I was going to promote the album about Raven by getting her tattooed on my skull and shooting a music video for her...
~ From the Journal Of The Prince
" I don't understand why you have to be so pigheaded...I told you we are comfortable. We don't need any money. You Mr. Keep It Real have fucking issues. You can't be satisfied behind the scenes. You have this temper. You and this infatuation with fame. They will never let a black star get to level you want. We already have so much shit happening with the stars we do have," Raven said as she sat in the bed wearing a button up that belonged to the Prince that smelled like Burberry cologne. She rolled a joint for him. She didn't smoke much but he did so she always rolled for him when she was around.
" First of all I am not black, I am half Japanese," The Prince said as he flipped through the pages of a Generation X comic book.
" You're also French because your black family is from Louisiana. I probably have white ancestors with this skin...but that shit don't fucking matter in anyone's eyes. You look like a fucking nigger. I went public like you asked with the I am not black shit and you see how that turned out. We may know this but who cares. All people see is skin. Not the mind state."
" That makes it easier for us. I want to go public with our relationship. I want to talk about Shakur. I want-"
" You want too much," Raven interrupted him. " I have agreements I have to stand by. I am letting you do your music but this other shit is too much. You don't need the money. You want the fame. Is that all you are a fucking entertainer? You're no better then the other niggers out right now then. Music and videos...."
" Oh please! You're the one that came out with five albums that you admit no one fucking buys!"
Raven finished rolling the joint and lit it up for the Prince. She stood and walked to him. She kissed his lips.
" Only five? What about ours," She asked.
The Prince sighed. " I want it all. I want it all!!!"
The Prince puffed on the joint she handed him and began pacing. " How long are we keeping up this gay charade? You know my cousin is still after you for that."
" Let her come."
The Prince paused, he turned towards Raven and shook his head in disgust. " You put me in an awkward situation love."
" I know...but at this point I don't care," She turned towards her vanity mirror and stared at herself as she sat in the seat facing her reflection. She began brushing her hair. " We made agreements killer. If you break them then you face the consequences. I'd hate to be blunt my dear but you took an oath. No video. No tattoo. That is all."
The Prince stared at Raven...yes no one knew she was his. That was the secret he swore to. No one would ever know. To the world he was some insane fan. Some fool. A joke. No one would ever know how much he loved his sweet Sarafina.
She has a new blog. I guess anything to take away from my blog. She said it was dedicated and inspired by me but I see through that shit. All she did was hire some people that stalked her on the view and had the same opinions as her and made them write what she believed or what they thought she believed by being a Raven stalker. Articles hating on the President, women empowerment, and her knew found "blackness". The shit is everything I don't want. She really pays no attention to me.
She has been in the studio with me though. Which is fine. She has an incredible voice. She is even letting me put my name on the album again. Yeah...she wants credit when credit is due. Tired of the bullshit. Why does love hurt like this? I want my recognition. I want it now. And I think I know how to get it.
She wouldn't write me while I was in prison so she knows nothing about Ice The Menace. It wasn't her choice. Imagine the confusion. Some mentally ill guy getting mail from Raven Symone. But Ice...he just came home and hit me up. I have a plan that will finally even the playing field. I have to call my cousin.
Let the games begin....
~ From the Journal Of The Prince
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